Why Do I Feel So Bad About Myself? 5 Common Reasons Why
Takeaway: If you struggle with self-esteem, you’re not alone. Here, I’ll shed light on some of the common reasons why you feel bad about yourself and offer my expert insight on how can cope with those feelings.
It's not realistic to think that we'll feel good about ourselves all of the time. But if you struggle with feeling bad about yourself more often than not, that's a difficult place to be.
Unfortunately, this experience is more common than you might think. As a self-esteem therapist in Chicago, many of my clients come to me with chronic low self-esteem. I've seen firsthand how painful that experience is—and I've also seen that it's possible to grow your confidence and actually feel good about yourself.
I'll explain more about healing low self-confidence later in this post. First, we'll explore what self-esteem is and dive into some of the common reasons why you might feel so bad about yourself.
Let's take a look.
Understanding self-esteem
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), self-esteem is the degree to which a person's view of themselves is positive. Having high or low self-esteem isn't a fixed personality trait or mental health disorder, although low self-worth can be associated with mental health issues like anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
It's also important to note that having high self-esteem doesn't mean that you think you're perfect, good at everything, or have no flaws. After all, we're only human, and we all make mistakes or have things we might like to change about ourselves.
Rather, healthy self-esteem means that you generally feel confident that you're a good person. You can acknowledge your shortcomings and areas for growth without disparaging yourself or thinking that you're worthless or "bad."
If you struggle with self-hatred, you might even notice that you get down on yourself for feeling bad about yourself. This shame spiral probably makes you feel even worse, and it can prevent you from taking steps toward self-acceptance.
However, I believe that learning more about why you might feel so bad about yourself can act as a helpful starting point. Once you understand yourself better, you'll have the insight you need to start tackling your own insecurities head-on.
Why do I always feel bad about myself? | Top 5 reasons
There's no singular cause of low self-esteem. Each person is unique, and several factors can contribute to how you view yourself. At the same time, there are many common reasons why you. might feel bad about yourself. Here are some of the ones I frequently see with my therapy clients.
#1: You're a perfectionist.
People who identify as perfectionists often struggle with low self-worth. They have high (often unrealistic) standards for themselves, and they typically experience negative thoughts about themselves when they can't measure up.
There's nothing inherently wrong with setting lofty goals, being driven, or considering yourself a high achiever. However, the emotional toll of perfectionism can be significant if you can't show yourself kindness for your mistakes or imperfections.
#2: You have a harsh inner critic.
You don't necessarily need to be a perfectionist to struggle with negative self-talk. If you constantly replay your past mistakes, assume others don't like you, or judge yourself just for being you, you. may have a harsh inner critic that contributes to low self-confidence.
These negative thoughts may be a protective strategy you've developed. In other words, you might criticize yourself and change your behavior accordingly to protect yourself before others can critique you. Or, you may have internalized harsh voices from past bullies, abusive parents or partners, or our society in general.
#3: You compare yourself to others.
Constantly comparing yourself to others can also make you question your own worth. Many of us experience this daily with social media: you come across someone's feed and you feel bad that you don't look like them, haven't reached the life milestones they have, and more.
While they're nothing wrong with getting inspiration from other people, you can start to feel bad about yourself if you're constantly striving for what others have. You're your own unique person, and you have needs, values, and strengths that are different from others.
#4: You have unresolved trauma.
Past trauma can also contribute to problems with self-esteem. Perhaps your parents' love was dependent on you behaving in a certain way in early childhood, or maybe other students bullied you when you expressed your true self. Maybe a bad relationship caused you to question your worth.
Painful past experiences can stick with you throughout your whole life if you don't fully process them. For many people, these are the root causes of low self-esteem.
#5: You struggle with self-compassion.
Many of us find it easy to be kind to a friend, family member, or even a stranger who's having a rough time. But when it comes to being nice to ourselves, it's a whole different story.
We tend to judge ourselves more harshly than anyone else in our lives. Without self-compassion, we become our own worst enemy.
Advice from a self-esteem therapist
If any of the information I've shared above sounds familiar to you, I hope you can find comfort in knowing that you're not alone. Many people have self-esteem issues, even though the root causes can be different from person to person.
I highly encourage you to consider working with a therapist if you're interested in working on your self-esteem. You and your therapist will spend time identifying the specific source of your struggles, and from here, you'll be able to get personalized recommendations for how to grow your confidence. Plus, you'll get the emotional support you need to grow into the person you've always wanted to be.
At Hold the Vision Therapy, we empower people in Chicago (and throughout the state of Illinois) toward self-compassion and acceptance. If you're interested in learning more about how we can help, I invite you to reach out today for a free consultation.