Does Couples Therapy Work? 7 Ways It Can
Takeaway: More and more couples are considering therapy as an option to help improve their relationship. But does couples counseling work? And what can couples expect to learn from working with a therapist? In this post, we’ll explain the different types of couples therapy and the ways they can help. Plus, we’ll give insight into when couples therapy might not work so you can make an informed decision.
What is couples counseling?
As you might know, couples therapy is a kind of mental health counseling that's specifically designed for people in a romantic relationship. The terms "couples counseling," "marriage counseling," and "relationship therapy" are often used interchangeably to describe this type of service.
With that being said, you don't need to be married in order to benefit from couples therapy. In fact, you don't necessarily need to be in a couple. Our polyamorous friendly therapists also provide relationship counseling to people who practice consensual non-monogamy.
There are many different reasons why people seek marriage counseling. Maybe you and your partner are having trouble communicating and feel like you're constantly fighting. Maybe you're struggling to rebuild after a breach of trust. Maybe you just want to feel closer again. All of these reasons (and many more) are totally valid reasons to get help from a professional.
Each person and couple has different goals for therapy. While many people seek therapy to help strengthen their relationships, other people want support with ending a relationship as gracefully as possible. As couples therapists in Chicago, we've seen it all—and guided folks through it all every step of the way.
Types of marriage counseling
Couples therapy doesn't come in a one-size-fits-all package. Each mental health professional has a slightly different approach, depending on their background and experience plus the needs of you and your partner. However, there are a few common methods that many couples counselors use. Here are just a few.
Emotionally focused couples therapy
As the name suggests, emotionally focused therapy is centered around a couple's feelings toward each other. But wait—don't all types of therapy require people to talk about their emotions? Yes and no. Emotion focused therapy, also called EFT, is a specific therapeutic approach that helps couples create a stronger relationship using attachment theory.
The idea behind attachment theory is that our earliest relationships with caregivers create a blueprint for how we form connections with people for the rest of our lives. In emotionally focused therapy, you and your partner learn about your own relationship patterns and make meaningful changes so you can build a secure, supportive bond with each other.
Solution-focused therapy
Many people start marital therapy because they're having problems in their relationship or going through a rough patch. Solution-focused therapy is focused on finding tangible ways to address those problems.
Unlike other forms of therapy, a solution-focused approach doesn't necessarily require couples to dive into past traumas. Instead, you'll work with your couples therapist to tap into your existing strengths, both your individual strengths and those within your relationship itself. Using these, you and your therapist will find creative solutions to your challenges.
Gottman method
The Gottman Method is mainly focused on how partners interact with each other. In other words, you and your partner will learn how to manage conflict, build trust, and focus on connecting with each other.
One theory that informs the Gottman Method is that it takes five positive interactions to reconnect after one negative interaction. Though conflict is a natural, healthy part of any relationship, there are skills that can help you both rebuild more effectively when you disagree.
Other approaches
As we mentioned before, these are just a few approaches commonly used in couples therapy. Others include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), Imago relationship therapy, and narrative therapy. While some couples therapists may stick to just one method, many others use a combination of approaches.
Who can provide relationship therapy
Just like there are different types of couples counseling, there are also multiple types of therapists who can provide these services. Here's a peek into the professionals you might encounter during your marriage counseling journey.
Licensed marriage and family therapists
The requirements for each mental health license are different depending on the state in which you live. As therapists in Chicago, we must adhere to Illinois rules. We need to graduate from a master's program in marital and family therapy, pass an exam, and have thousands of hours of work experience to earn licensure.
At Hold the Vision Therapy, all of our clinicians are marriage and family therapists. We receive specialized training in relationships of all kinds, specifically couples and family systems. This lens helps us take a deep dive into your partnership and truly understand your dynamic.
Licensed professional counselor
Similar to marriage and family therapists, licensed professional counselors need to earn a master's degree, have supervised experience, and pass an exam. However, a professional counselor can have a degree in any area related to counseling.
Licensed clinical social worker
A licensed clinical social worker must meet similar requirements related to supervised experience and taking a board exam to earn licensure. Their graduate degree must be from an accredited social work master's program.
Does couples counseling work?
The short answer is yes, working with a marriage counselor certainly can work. While therapy "working" depends a lot on the goals you and your partner have (and other factors), there are plenty of ways that therapy can help your relationship. At the same time, it's not a magic bullet sort of fix. Here, we'll delve into how couples counseling can help, how you can get the most out of your therapy sessions, and signs that you might want to hold off.
7 ways marriage counseling can help
Each couple has a different experience with therapy. However, there are many common goals and outcomes associated with marriage counseling. While this isn't an all-inclusive list, these are some of the most common ways that couples therapy can help you and your partner.
1. Learn communication skills
Many couples enter therapy because they're arguing more than usual or just feel like they're not on the same page. Couples counseling can provide a safe, supportive space for you to both learn new ways of interacting with each other and practice those strategies with the direction of a trained professional.
2. Understand what healthy relationships actually look like
While some people had excellent examples of a healthy marriage while growing up, many people have no idea what a functional relationship actually looks like. In couples therapy, you'll identify the patterns that contribute to conflict and chaos—and how to shift those patterns to develop a healthy dynamic.
3. Develop a more secure attachment
Similarly, marriage counseling can teach you and your partner how to have a secure relationship. Many people don't even realize that they're stuck in patterns of insecurity and codependency, or how those behaviors can sabotage a relationship. Thankfully, counseling is a venue where you can develop both your independence and your interdependence.
4. Support your mental wellness
Though the focus of couples therapy is on your relationship, studies suggest that it may help treat individual mental health issues like anxiety and depression. While couples therapy may not be a replacement for individual therapy, it can be a highly useful tool, especially since our relationships can play such a huge role in our overall well-being.
5. Master emotional regulation
While many people struggle to manage their emotional responses from time to time, some of us have more skills in this area than others. When you have trouble regulating emotions, you may experience more conflict in your relationship. Marriage counseling sessions can teach you how to effectively cope with intense feelings. Research shows that improving emotional regulation can help boost relationship satisfaction.
6. Improve your sex life
Many couples struggle with intimacy at some point during the course of their relationship. While fluctuations in your sex life can be normal, they can also be a huge cause of tension. Studies suggest that couples therapy can help improve sexual functioning. Plus, it can also help emotional intimacy, which is another key part of any relationship.
7. Better understand yourself and each other
Throughout the therapy process, you'll gain a deeper understanding of what makes your partner tick. From their thought and behavior patterns to their insecurities and desires, you'll leave with more insight to help you better connect with each other. Attending therapy also gives you the opportunity to learn more about yourself in these same ways.
When couples therapy may not work
While we're firm believers relationship counseling can help nearly all couples, there are some instances where it might not be the best option—at least for the time being. For example, if one partner isn't ready to commit to the process, it may be hard to establish and work toward goals together. Mentally checking out during a therapy session or halfheartedly trying the new skills at home isn't a great way to achieve your goals for counseling.
In this case, individual therapy is likely a better option. Focusing on your own work can still help you improve the relationship dynamic, even if your partner isn’t willing or able to buy into the couples therapy process just yet.
Since consistency is another important part of couples therapy, having an unpredictable schedule might also be a sign to hold off on therapy. While it's frustrating for logistical barriers to get in the way of counseling, it will be hard to make progress in counseling if you can't attend regular sessions. Some therapists can be flexible with scheduling, but many recommend weekly sessions to get the best results.
It's also important to be mindful of whether to pursue couples therapy if you’re experiencing intimate partner violence. If you feel safe enough to discuss this, therapy may be an option. In fact, we specialize in supporting couples in this situation at Hold the Vision Therapy. However, if you or a loved one needs immediate support, we recommend contacting the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling (800) 799-7233 or visiting their website here.
What determines whether couples therapy helps
There's no formula we can follow to make marriage counseling work and solve all your problems. With that being said, there is plenty you and your partner can do to help get the most out of your time in therapy. Here are a few tips you can follow to maximize your results.
Commitment
Deciding to attend couples therapy is a vulnerable, courageous choice—one that shouldn't be taken lightly. If you're not dedicated to the process, it's hard to see real results. This doesn't mean that you need to be perfect. However, you should make sure that you're committed to giving it your all before you decide to start therapy. If you're simply going through the motions, you might not see the positive outcomes you're hoping for.
Consistency
Marriage counseling works best when you and your romantic partner are able to attend sessions consistently. While responsibilities and busy schedules can make this hard, it's important to prioritize your connection if you want to see real changes in your relationship issues. Many couples prefer online therapy for this reason. The convenience and flexibility make it easier to keep appointments.
Honesty
As the old saying goes, honesty is truly the best policy. This can definitely be easier said than done—being vulnerable isn't usually easy. However, it's essential to be honest with your partner, your therapist, and yourself during the counseling process. Honesty is a key piece to building trust and healthy relationship skills, so it's important to be as authentic as possible.
Ready to try couples therapy? Our relationship experts can help.
If you and your partner(s) have decided that you're ready to give couples therapy a go, we're here for you. Our private practice is dedicated to providing poly and LGBTQIA+ affirmative, kink-knowledgeable care to folks in Chicago, as well as throughout Illinois and Indiana via online therapy.
Whether your relationship dynamic feels really tough right now or you simply want to build a strong foundation to prevent future relationship problems, our team can help. Contact us for more information or to request your free consultation. We look forward to meeting you and working with you!