"Am I Sabotaging my Relationship?" Quiz
Takeaway: Are you feeling unsure about the state of your relationship? Do you find yourself questioning whether you are the one causing problems in your partnership? If so, you’re not alone. Our sabotaging relationships quiz will help you identify behaviors and patterns that might negatively impact your relationship.
We all want to be connected to other people. However, building and maintaining healthy relationships can be difficult, especially if you didn't have role models in this area. This is especially true for intimate relationships, which can often bring out a person's deepest insecurities.
When we feel insecure in our close relationships, we might begin to act in ways that push us further away from our loved ones. We may not do it consciously, especially since these patterns can be deeply rooted. However, when left unchecked, this sort of behavior can make the relationship quickly deteriorate.
Thankfully, it is possible to gently shift your actions and connect with your partner(s) in a meaningful, intentional way. Growing your awareness of your own patterns is the first step in the process. Our sabotaging relationships quiz can help you gain more insight and recognize the areas where you might need some support.
Let's get started.
“Am I self-sabotaging my relationship?" quiz
First of all, we want to commend you for getting here. The fact that you've sought out this "Am I sabotaging my relationship" quiz shows that you're ready to reflect on your actions, take ownership, and build a stronger relationship with your partner(s).
It's important to be honest with yourself during this process. Remember, you're not a bad person if you're self-sabotaging your relationship. Identifying your behavior is the first step in creating lasting change.
As you go through this short quiz, reflect on how often you find yourself in the following situations. Choose the response that resonates the most with you, and pay attention to how many times you answer A, B, and C during the quiz.
1. If my partner expresses that they're hurt about something I'm doing, I have a really hard time not taking it personally.
A. I rarely struggle with this.
B. I sometimes struggle with this.
C. I often struggle with this.
2. I feel overwhelmed with household chores, but I don't want to ask my partner for help because I'm afraid they'll get mad at me.
A. I rarely struggle with this.
B. I sometimes struggle with this.
C. I often struggle with this.
3. I see my partner as my true love, but I'm worried that I care more about them than they care about me.
A. I rarely struggle with this.
B. I sometimes struggle with this.
C. I often struggle with this.
4. I struggle with jealousy when my partner wants to spend time with friends without me.
A. I rarely struggle with this.
B. I sometimes struggle with this.
C. I often struggle with this.
5. I worry that my partner is talking to other potential partners behind my back, even if I don't have any evidence.
A. I rarely struggle with this.
B. I sometimes struggle with this.
C. I often struggle with this.
6. I struggle with low self-esteem, so I'm constantly asking my partner for reassurance that they still love me.
A. I rarely struggle with this.
B. I sometimes struggle with this.
C. I often struggle with this.
7. I tend to shut down when I'm feeling upset with my partner.
A. I rarely struggle with this.
B. I sometimes struggle with this.
C. I often struggle with this.
8. I feel like my partner's needs and interests matter more than my own.
A. I rarely struggle with this.
B. I sometimes struggle with this.
C. I often struggle with this.
9. I have a hard time communicating with my partner when something is wrong or my feelings are hurt.
A. I rarely struggle with this.
B. I sometimes struggle with this.
C. I often struggle with this.
10. I always feel like problems in the relationship are my fault.
A. I rarely struggle with this.
B. I sometimes struggle with this.
C. I often struggle with this.
11. I want to have more emotional intimacy with my partner, but I'm worried that if they really knew me, they wouldn't like me.
A. I rarely struggle with this.
B. I sometimes struggle with this.
C. I often struggle with this.
12. I tend to lash out at my partner over little things since I'm so used to keeping my emotions in.
A. I rarely struggle with this.
B. I sometimes struggle with this.
C. I often struggle with this.
13. I struggle with being alone, and I'm worried that I might be a little clingy.
A. I rarely struggle with this.
B. I sometimes struggle with this.
C. I often struggle with this.
14. I tend to be hard on myself, so I can be pretty critical of my partner at times.
A. I rarely struggle with this.
B. I sometimes struggle with this.
C. I often struggle with this.
15. Other times, I tell my partner what I think they want to hear instead of how I actually feel or what I actually think.
A. I rarely struggle with this.
B. I sometimes struggle with this.
C. I often struggle with this.
If you answered "C" for most of the questions, you might be in relationship sabotage mode.
Remember, this quiz is only one tool to determine whether you're self-sabotaging your relationship. However, if you identified with many of the statements above, chances are you might be struggling to build a healthy relationship.
If you had a mix of answers or didn't identify with any of the challenging feelings or behaviors described in the quiz, you could still have patterns that make relationships difficult. Each person has strengths and needs when making connections with others.
Learn how to improve your love life (and other personal relationships) with the help of a therapist.
The good news is that it's entirely possible to unlearn these behaviors and learn how to create (and maintain) a healthy relationship with your partner. With the right support and some intentional mindset and behavior shifts, you can have the type of connection you really want.
As a couples therapist in Chicago, I help people like you unlearn old patterns and deepen their connection with their partner. At Hold the Vision Therapy, we also recognize that romantic relationships come in all forms, so we offer polyamory therapy in Chicago as well.
If you're ready to find new, healthy ways of navigating relationships, we're here to guide you. Reach out today for your free consultation to start the process. We look forward to hearing from you!